The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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