just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
