I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
