Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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