Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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