I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
