My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
