this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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