I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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