i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
