Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
