Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
