i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize