just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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