you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
