I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
