I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
