you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
