Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my being single is dangerous.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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