i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
