i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
