they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
