i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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