i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
