one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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