I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
