Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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