i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
