My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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