Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My vagina just clenched in fear
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
