R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
