Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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