And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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