i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
