I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
