I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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