You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
