Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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