i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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