I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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