That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
