You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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