I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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