So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
