ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
