physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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