I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
