M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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