the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dicks are not precious.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize