I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
