I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
