My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
