Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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