I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
