I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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