she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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