He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
