At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
