she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
