we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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