she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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