I chose taco bell over sex...
operation harelip BJ is a go
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras