I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
