You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
two words: eviction party
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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