went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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