i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
