Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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