I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fuck appropriateness.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
