Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
