meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I just put wine in my tea
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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