My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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