hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Four minutes until I can fart!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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